I come across people who are distressed, need last minute help undergoing deep stress. I realize at that moment they have reached the edge of their tolerance and want to pour out with someone they trust what they are facing in life as a challenge. They can no more keep it inside. They are almost bursting out. I am sure all of us either have experienced this in our own life or met some one reaching out to us in this deep distress. What is your response to them. What is your feeling at that point of time. Do you Avoid this? Do you advice them which may not require or you are sympathetic towards them. What is your personal response to this..
The first realization is it can happen to anyone. I remember reaching out to someone during this period and there was one person who cared to patiently listen to me, did not judge me, gave his time and made efforts to understand my problem. Try to provide his understanding or help in his own way. I should admit that person even understood my unspoken part of my words and helped me to deal with my situation, which was a challenge to me. That help was so precious and that helped me to come out of that challenge i was going through. Trust me the connection i felt between me and that person was that of one human being to another.
So being available to another human being in distress or a stress is a great human service according to me. One of the thing i do is understand that they need help and even though i am busy, i make sure i take some time out for these people. As they need someone at that moment to share what they are going through in their own way. I feel there is no more important thing in the world to patiently listen to another human being un-interrupted. Some of us are able recognize it is a stress and many are not.
The person who is in stress often not comfortable to share he or she is under stress. Few are able to understand it is a stress and able to deal with it. Mostly many don't even know they are under stress and accept the life as it comes. Then stress becomes part and parcel of life. As they say when the Giant is small you can kill it. Stress is also like a Giant, early detection, you are able to deal with it. Once it starts impacting you at different levels. It takes more time to come out of stress.
What really bothers me most is often those who are unable to open up, while they are under stress, they are misunderstood due to various signals and signs they show up. I call them passive people who are either unaware they are under stress or unable to express it to others.
Some early signs to know they are in stress include
01. They are aloof, not mingling with others,
02. Keep issues to themselves, do not open up even when asked.
03. Their food habits suffers, they tend to eat less, or hardly eat their food.
04. Frequent reporting of headache.
05. Irritation, unnecessary fights, Apathy towards others, being bit insensitive.
06. Unable to relate with situations around. Completely disconnected. Living in isolated manner.
07. You may find them generally unhappy.
08. They avoid facing people, going out in parties.
09. They prefer to be at home.
The people who silently going through stress often mis-understood in terms of :-
1. Person is short tempered
2. Arrogant
3. Lacks sensitivity towards others.
4. Self Centred
5. Some parents think their child is born to trouble them, as it often bring complaints home.
6. Sudden outburst.
But often we fail to understand these signals and read as we perceive them. But in reality the deep inside the person he or she may be feeling so lonely, helpless , needing support and love. They keep giving their messages subtly to us, but they are really really subtle and we try to downplay this saying they seek sympathy and importance when they want help. Isn't it so disturbing. Some times people realize it too late... Hope it is never too late... Some subtle messages go like this.
01. No one loves me.
02. No one understands me.
03. If people are bad to me why should I be good to others.
04. I will teach them a lesson, when time comes.
05. I don't want to mingle
06. Don't keep telling me. They keep saying out of distress and pain.
I have tried talking to such people. It is not easy to strike a conversation with them and they will hardly open up and tell you everything what they are going through. However, it is also not that difficult. If you show them genuine friendship and love and be nicer to them, you will create an atmosphere where there are more chances they will open up.
One of my face book friend had shared this some time ago. It really helped me to understand various signs of stress at different levels. I am sharing the same without knowing the source, but it might be of help to you as well
Some common reasons for stress could be
01. Relationship issues between husband and wife.
02. Bad boss.
03. Office politics
04. Financial Crisis.
05. Lack of People skills to deal with home or office issues.
06. They are too good and always strict to their principles and lack practicality.
07. Joint family situations.
08. Conflict between friends.
09. Relationship issues with a partner
10. Property disputes
11. Parental issues
12. These days school kids go through early stressful situations. They lack coping up in school atmosphere.
13. Any type of Abuse ( violence, sexual abuse)
14. Kids not settled.
15. Old age issues.
( The above are only indicative, not exhaustive, there can be numerous issues which are beyond this)
What you should do when you realize someone is under stress. Rather than what you can do i suggest what you should not do first .
01. Avoid offering Sympathy. They might not need this.
02. Avoid providing advices, which are un-related to their problem
03. Do not Generalize issues like all men, all women, all school going people, all office people. They have specific challenges to deal with. Hence it will not help.
04. Avoid your best way to deal with issues. Your situation and the person going through may be different.
05. Avoid telling you have this comfort, and that, still why you have these issues type. These can bring down their self-confidence.
06. Do not start with what is your problem
07. Avoid comparing them with others.
08. Do not give how best they can be in life hence what they should be doing. They are already struggling, we are increasing their difficulties and increasing self-doubt.
Again, these are some common things we might attempt to address, need not necessarily exhaustive.
Some of the things you can try.
01. Recognize that it is a sign of Stress.
02. Create an open and friendly atmosphere, where they are able to share what they are going through. Do not force them to open up. As famous Carl Rogers put it
The organism has one basic tendency and striving - to actualize, maintain, and enhance the experiencing organism” (Rogers, 1951, p. 487).
So reach out to people, knock the door , if they willingly allow you to step in, do step in. Remember they have given permission to you to enter into very inner circle of their life.
03. Stress can be of different types. If the stress is of temporary nature and person is able to deal with it. Just offer your support and be there. The person himself or herself will be able to address it just with mere your support and love
04. If you think the person needs help. It is better to refer to an expert Coach or Counselling support. They can bring them out of this and transform them into better high performing human being.
Stress if it is not dealt for a prolonged period can lead to serious health issues. In extreme situation people can go into deep depression and can lead to loss of life.
So please recognize and offer understanding to those around you. As this can happen to any one of us. The greatest support and understanding that reaches a person during this stage can change their life and you can make that difference to people around you.
I want to conclude this, with a message:
Either Change the Events or situation or Response to the Event or situation to improve your life.
The first realization is it can happen to anyone. I remember reaching out to someone during this period and there was one person who cared to patiently listen to me, did not judge me, gave his time and made efforts to understand my problem. Try to provide his understanding or help in his own way. I should admit that person even understood my unspoken part of my words and helped me to deal with my situation, which was a challenge to me. That help was so precious and that helped me to come out of that challenge i was going through. Trust me the connection i felt between me and that person was that of one human being to another.
So being available to another human being in distress or a stress is a great human service according to me. One of the thing i do is understand that they need help and even though i am busy, i make sure i take some time out for these people. As they need someone at that moment to share what they are going through in their own way. I feel there is no more important thing in the world to patiently listen to another human being un-interrupted. Some of us are able recognize it is a stress and many are not.
The person who is in stress often not comfortable to share he or she is under stress. Few are able to understand it is a stress and able to deal with it. Mostly many don't even know they are under stress and accept the life as it comes. Then stress becomes part and parcel of life. As they say when the Giant is small you can kill it. Stress is also like a Giant, early detection, you are able to deal with it. Once it starts impacting you at different levels. It takes more time to come out of stress.
What really bothers me most is often those who are unable to open up, while they are under stress, they are misunderstood due to various signals and signs they show up. I call them passive people who are either unaware they are under stress or unable to express it to others.
Some early signs to know they are in stress include
01. They are aloof, not mingling with others,
02. Keep issues to themselves, do not open up even when asked.
03. Their food habits suffers, they tend to eat less, or hardly eat their food.
04. Frequent reporting of headache.
05. Irritation, unnecessary fights, Apathy towards others, being bit insensitive.
06. Unable to relate with situations around. Completely disconnected. Living in isolated manner.
07. You may find them generally unhappy.
08. They avoid facing people, going out in parties.
09. They prefer to be at home.
The people who silently going through stress often mis-understood in terms of :-
1. Person is short tempered
2. Arrogant
3. Lacks sensitivity towards others.
4. Self Centred
5. Some parents think their child is born to trouble them, as it often bring complaints home.
6. Sudden outburst.
But often we fail to understand these signals and read as we perceive them. But in reality the deep inside the person he or she may be feeling so lonely, helpless , needing support and love. They keep giving their messages subtly to us, but they are really really subtle and we try to downplay this saying they seek sympathy and importance when they want help. Isn't it so disturbing. Some times people realize it too late... Hope it is never too late... Some subtle messages go like this.
01. No one loves me.
02. No one understands me.
03. If people are bad to me why should I be good to others.
04. I will teach them a lesson, when time comes.
05. I don't want to mingle
06. Don't keep telling me. They keep saying out of distress and pain.
I have tried talking to such people. It is not easy to strike a conversation with them and they will hardly open up and tell you everything what they are going through. However, it is also not that difficult. If you show them genuine friendship and love and be nicer to them, you will create an atmosphere where there are more chances they will open up.
One of my face book friend had shared this some time ago. It really helped me to understand various signs of stress at different levels. I am sharing the same without knowing the source, but it might be of help to you as well
Some common reasons for stress could be
01. Relationship issues between husband and wife.
02. Bad boss.
03. Office politics
04. Financial Crisis.
05. Lack of People skills to deal with home or office issues.
06. They are too good and always strict to their principles and lack practicality.
07. Joint family situations.
08. Conflict between friends.
09. Relationship issues with a partner
10. Property disputes
11. Parental issues
12. These days school kids go through early stressful situations. They lack coping up in school atmosphere.
13. Any type of Abuse ( violence, sexual abuse)
14. Kids not settled.
15. Old age issues.
( The above are only indicative, not exhaustive, there can be numerous issues which are beyond this)
What you should do when you realize someone is under stress. Rather than what you can do i suggest what you should not do first .
01. Avoid offering Sympathy. They might not need this.
02. Avoid providing advices, which are un-related to their problem
03. Do not Generalize issues like all men, all women, all school going people, all office people. They have specific challenges to deal with. Hence it will not help.
04. Avoid your best way to deal with issues. Your situation and the person going through may be different.
05. Avoid telling you have this comfort, and that, still why you have these issues type. These can bring down their self-confidence.
06. Do not start with what is your problem
07. Avoid comparing them with others.
08. Do not give how best they can be in life hence what they should be doing. They are already struggling, we are increasing their difficulties and increasing self-doubt.
Again, these are some common things we might attempt to address, need not necessarily exhaustive.
Some of the things you can try.
01. Recognize that it is a sign of Stress.
02. Create an open and friendly atmosphere, where they are able to share what they are going through. Do not force them to open up. As famous Carl Rogers put it
The organism has one basic tendency and striving - to actualize, maintain, and enhance the experiencing organism” (Rogers, 1951, p. 487).
So reach out to people, knock the door , if they willingly allow you to step in, do step in. Remember they have given permission to you to enter into very inner circle of their life.
03. Stress can be of different types. If the stress is of temporary nature and person is able to deal with it. Just offer your support and be there. The person himself or herself will be able to address it just with mere your support and love
04. If you think the person needs help. It is better to refer to an expert Coach or Counselling support. They can bring them out of this and transform them into better high performing human being.
Stress if it is not dealt for a prolonged period can lead to serious health issues. In extreme situation people can go into deep depression and can lead to loss of life.
So please recognize and offer understanding to those around you. As this can happen to any one of us. The greatest support and understanding that reaches a person during this stage can change their life and you can make that difference to people around you.
I want to conclude this, with a message:
Either Change the Events or situation or Response to the Event or situation to improve your life.
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